One-Track-Mind vs The Juggler

OK, I know I’m going to get flack for this one, but I’m going out on a limb to see if I can talk some sense into some of my clients and friends who are getting frustrated with what feels like one of their partners’ most intractable behavioral flaws. Let’s look at genes for a moment. If you think about the mechanisms involved in the way genes get passed on to future generations, it makes sense that there is a division in a species into one half that generally is the most involved in child rearing and one half that is the most involved in food gathering and protective behaviors. Stating the obvious, in humans, women are the ones capable of carrying and birthing a child and then feeding it directly through breast milk through the first few years of life. Men are needed to create the child and have been charged with providing for and protecting the mother and child during their vulnerable years. Without both of these roles the future genetic potential of the species is in jeopardy. This is not to say that men can’t be nurturers and women can’t be providers and protectors, it’s just an observation of the majority of the species. That said, the roles that have generally developed in most tribes of humans over the millennia take advantage of the strengths of each gender. I hear extraordinarily often how frustrated men are with women, and women are with men, for not being more like each other. Frankly I’m thrilled that we have different strengths!

One of the things that comes up repeatedly in sessions is that men have a one-track-mind and can’t do more than one thing at a time, and women are multi-tasking mavens who expect everyone to do six things at once. This makes perfect sense to me from the standpoint of genes making sure they get passed along. In the not too distant past, those in charge of food acquisition were perpetually in harm’s way. Think about it, the game hunter with a spear or the berry gatherer in grizzly territory had to risk death daily to be sure their families had a regular supply of food. More often than not, this person was male. It was vital that they remained singularly focused on their life threatening task or their genes would be removed from the gene pool when they became saber-toothed tiger lunch. The nurturer of the family was most often back at camp or in the village preparing food, preserving food, making and repairing clothing, and watching the children. The only way all of these things could be accomplished in order to secure their genes for future generations was if this person could split their concentration among many tasks in order to adequately care for the family. The nurturer, most often, was female.

Both roles were and are essential. Genetically, those that followed these models survived more often than those who didn’t and the pattern got set at a biochemical level. In our modern, Western, world we have shown that these roles can be reversed and even shared with success. Yes, there are always genetic variations. Yes, there is a certain amount of training that can overcome genetic tendencies. But, it is my belief that these tendencies developed in humans for very good biological reasons.

I encourage my juggler/nurturer clients to find the good qualities of of their more singularly-focused partners. These people can take a task from start to finish without getting distracted. When their attention is completely focused on their partners, there is no doubt about their loyalties. I encourage my hunter/warrior clients to find the joy in being enveloped in an environment that nurtures so many aspects of their lives. The support of a multi-tasker is invaluable for the hunter/warrior’s ability to step into single-minded focus. It is the balance between the two that creates the safest and most secure environment for our genes to move forward to future generations. Again, this is NOT saying that women can’t be warriors or huntresses and men can’t be nurturers, or that we can't each be a mish-mash of both, I’m just saying that a balance of single-focus and multi-tasking is beneficial for us all as a species. Can you find a way to love that side of your partner rather than being disappointed that they aren’t more like you? Viv la difference!

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