Control-Z

How many times have I momentarily wished for a "control-z" or "undo" button in my life?! I'm sure I'm not alone in applying the time-honored self-inflicted dope-slap to my own forehead. There was the time I used the wrong ATM card at Goodwill for an amazing deal on a coffee grinder that ended up costing me nearly $60 more in overdraft fees. There was that time I got back from a baseball game much much later than I had planned only to find my car had been locked into the parking area and there was nobody at the kiosk. Oh yeah, and there were those 20 years I was married to someone I thought would grow and learn and change along with me. As I wade backwards there are many many more stories, big and small. Still, when I think back, I learned something and grew -- sometimes a lot and sometimes just a tiny bit -- each time.

I've spent the last couple years of my life in transition and with that has come much self-examination. I have talked with myself, my therapist, my spiritual teachers, my family and my friends through my careful unweaving and rebuilding of my life and although I've been asked many times, I have to say there are very few regrets, and not for the things that most people seem to expect me to point to. Really, upon examination, every challenging moment has had a silver lining. Every rough patch has helped me to learn something that there really wasn't any other way for me to learn. In fact, I've learned far more from the pot holes and speed bumps than I ever have from periods of smooth pavement on this highway of life. Yes, there have been some seriously difficult times that were in no way fun or entertaining. But when I really think about it, I wouldn't trade them (although I hope I don't ever need wake up calls that big again!). It even begins to look like I needed the lessons to come in the forms they did in order for me to "get it". As strange as it sounds, even the tragedies fall into this category.

It is with profound gratefulness that I attended a recent intensive entitled "Fierce Grace". Right as I was contemplating all the benefits I received from my difficulties, I listened to this very wise teacher confirm my dawning awareness that there are no mistakes. It just takes the right perspective to find the blessing and the benefit and the learning in the midst of the chaos and the challenge. It is the challenges that make life interesting and test our strengths and limits. It is the chaos that gives us opportunities to grow and move forward. I better understand my cancer clients who have come to me and said that their cancer was the biggest blessing they have ever received. From a ground floor perspective that sounds to some people like crazy talk, but once you take the express elevator to the roof, the view looks really different. I've decided I don't really want an "undo" button, but I'd like a button that reminds me to look deeper. And, I hope that my lessons come in gentler "packaging" from here on out.

It is my sincere wish that you find and focus on that which brings you growth and change, for change truly is the only constant in a healthy dynamic system. Get grounded. Get grateful. Get REAL.