Finally! A NO RESOLUTION New Year

So, I'm sure you've noticed... We're all still here... As one of my friends posted on FaceBook, "do I get a medal or something? I've survived 4 apocalypses so far..." Maybe it's the sense of "why bother to make plans when the world is about to end" that people were using to put off making healthy changes. And yet, I agree with being resolution-free this time around. Resolutions are doomed.

Yep, you read that right. I'm making NO resolutions this year. Why? Because they are generally doomed to fail. Why? Because they are usually unrealistic and over-reaching. Oh, we think we have our best interests in mind, and we certainly have our best intentions when making those cross-my-heart promises, but we set our sights awfully high and try to use a sheer force of will to attain our goals. There are numerous studies out now that talk about willpower as a limited resource. I have to agree, and we tend to burn through it using it as an inappropriate fuel to get things done. Sure, it will get you there, but like rocket fuel, it burns hot and fast. It's the wrong tool for lasting change.

I have a proposal: rather than make doomed resolutions, let's instead envision a future we want to inhabit. That future includes all aspects of who you are -- your psyche, your emotional state, your health, your financial resources, your relationships, your spiritual life, and everything else you can imagine. Instead of creating a very small tight box of high expectations, paint a picture of where you want to be with a broad and colorful brush with room to expand! Start envisioning yourself in a world of your own creation. Fill in as much detail as you can. What senses can you employ to make it feel even more real? Does the food you dream forward to eating have a taste? Does that garden you are walking through have a key scent? What color is the check you are writing to pay off that last bill? What does that deep breath feel like as you reach that mountain peak and look to vistas far beyond your current ability to climb? How REAL can you make it look and feel in your mind and your body? Is your body pain-free and moving with ease? Remember, you can dream ANYTHING you want. There are no limits to imagination, no one will be judging your results, so go wild with embellishments! Ok? Got it? Working on a few pictures already? GOOD! Now live in that vision for just 5 minutes everyday this month. Allow your inner kid to roam through this landscape and fill in more details each time you visit. Maybe it's what you do as you wake each morning or before you fall asleep each night. If you want to, write it down or draw it out. Lean into it emotionally. Fill it in with joy and ease. Take deep breaths of the fresh air in your vision.

Why? What good is it to dream? Why am I seeming to suddenly advocate the creation of a complete fantasy when in all my previous posts I exhort you to Get REAL? I'll tell you: because thoughts become things. You know those old tapes you've had running in your head? The ones that tell you in your own voice that you're "sick and tired" of your job? (and presto, you feel sick and tired a LOT, right?) You know the one that tells you that you are bored with life, or the one that belittles your inner-kid's joy in finding beauty in the mirror? You know that voice that tells you that you'll never make it and doubts your every step? Yeah, that's the voice that kills every resolution you ever made. Why bother creating a beautiful vision? Because it is the vision that will pull you forward, not the whip that drives you from behind! It is the vision that will tempt you to take the next step back to your healthy self, not the guilt of breaking a promise! It is the vision and the details that will give you reasons to keep going until you see and feel the changes as they become REAL. After spending time truly envisioning your Self in an environment that is supportive of your health and happiness, start making steps each day towards that vision. No, it may not ultimately end up having pink ponies or crystal castles or galaxy cruisers, but you will find that many of the elements DO show up. Most importantly, as your world begins to shift, it is the shifting itself that begins to pull you forward. It is the feeling better each day that makes you WANT to keep taking steps. This isn't a chore, you don't even need will power, it is a process of creating joy and liberation from limiting beliefs about your Self that you may have been holding onto for decades!

Get Imaginative! Get out the mental paint set! Get REAL!

"Ogres have layers, onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers"

"Oh, ok, but you know, not everyone likes onions. Cakes! Cakes have layers. Everyone likes a cakes!"

If you are a client of mine, you know I use a multitude of metaphors and movie references to get my points across using pictures that pop into full color clarity in your brain. Sometimes all the talk and discussion and persuasive pretty words won't turn on that light bulb the way a picture does.

We all have layers like Shrek. Whether you think of them as the layers of an onion, or the parfait that Donkey finally decides on, or the stories of a house, we are not simply a conglomeration of parts that can be removed, fixed and replaced like a car. The tricky part is that all of our layers are connected to all of the other layers that make up who we are and contribute to our overall health. However, we have been told over and over again that this isn't true. We have been told that you can just take this pill or just follow this diet or just do this workout or just say this prayer and everything will be fixed and you won't have to think about what's troubling you again.

Let's look at just one of the layers we're dealing with as humans. You know this one well because it is the focus of our Western way of living: the physical exterior. We are trained from an early age that our exterior is the most important layer we have. It is the focus of fame and fortune. It is the shell that gets all the attention from the diet industry, the manufacturing of beauty, and the celebrity machine. But, nearly all the efforts to perfect and maintain this exterior facade are at the expense of all the layers beneath that shell that actually make us human. The creams and shellacs, the chemicals and processed foods, the medications and surgeries, the deprivation and self-abuse, all lead us down an extremely unhealthy path in the long run. We may end up with a very pretty mask to wear, but just beneath that surface often lives a starved, scared, lonely, lost spark of conscious life that knows something is very wrong but has no idea how to fix it.

We have layers of consciousness, spirit, emotion, intellect, connection, and wonder. We have an inner Self that gets trampled in this Western world by the demands of Ego and it's drive for the perfect shell. We are subjected to a very effective marketing machine that tells our Ego it's doing the right thing. When we starve ourselves by withholding food or fun or friends or feelings, we play into this misguided drive for external perfection (which changes with the whim of fashion every few years). It's designed to be a losing battle and yet we strive for acceptance through this struggle to create the "right" facade. You see this in fashion, $50K cars, 10K square foot houses, extravagant vacations, $25K weddings, and the list goes on as if you could actually buy happiness and fulfillment by focusing solely on the one layer of what it means to be human that actually has the least to do with happiness or fulfillment.

I just had a conversation with a friend about how some of the wealthiest people he works with are the most miserable because they feel that they SHOULD be happy now and they are coming to the realization that they ultimately can't buy a membership to that club. Now I know most of you out there, and me included, don't have that problem (at least as defined by the Western idea of "wealth"). And yet, how many of us put off happiness? How many times do you find yourself saying "I'll be happy when I get that job", or "I'll be happy when this year is finally over", or "I'll be happy when I finally fit into those size 4 jeans"? I challenge you to start seeing from those other layers of who you are and finding ways to insert wonder, amazement and see how good your life actually is. I challenge you to start seeing your glass as half full. I challenge you to be your true self without apology.

Unveil the layers of your REAL Self. Let your spark shine. Get REAL.